Published on 16 Dec 2021 - Updated on 11 Jan 2022
Pleasure doesn’t discriminate, or does it?
We often see women’s use of vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys celebrated as a sign of liberation, but the same can not be said for men. Whether it be fleshlights or prostate massagers, there remains a cloud of taboo surrounding male masturbatory aids.
Even in 2022, men are far from receiving the holistic nod of approval that women get when they choose to explore the depths of their pleasure (pun intended) using sex toys. Studies have shown that women and homosexuals are significantly more likely to have used sex toys than heterosexual men.
This goes to show that heterosexual/straight men are either not comfortable using sex toys - or are too ashamed to confess. We’ll let you decide which one it is.
While sex gadgets are evolving rapidly, the stigma surrounding men experimenting with toys is visible clearly in any online forum in the form of snarky comments, criticism, and judgement.
We feel this taboo majorly boils down to 3 reasons.
1. Real men don’t need sex toys (Make it stop already!)
Real men don’t cry, real men don’t wear makeup, and the most ridiculous of all - real men don’t need sex toys! Society’s primitive views on sexuality often end up with pleasure-seekers being punished for all the wrong reasons.
The idea that “Real Men” should be able to date women and get the real deal is so wrong we don’t even know where to start with it.
Wanting to explore pleasure by using toys is seen as an act that “Real Men” would never do. Why would they be interested in toys if they can get women?
Hence all the men that understand what gets them going and are willing to go after it are discouraged from doing so because they are labeled as men who can’t get a women and have sex.
Heterosexual men that prefer using toys are labeled as gay because of how the sex toy industry marketed itself in the past. Homosexual men have always been a group that had to fight for their sexual liberation and and thus have been free to experiment with ways to explore their sexuality.
This made them the perfect buyer group for sex toy companies that pushed out advertising for them, but unfortunately also turned off heterosexual men as they believed that using sex toys was something reserved exclusively for gay men.
We’ll say it loud and clear - Using or wanting to use sex toys does NOT make you gay!
3. Lack of representation
There is a huge gap in the way women’s sex toys are represented in popular culture in comparison to men’s sex toys. The lack of men talking publicly about using toys is one of the reasons the stigma exists around it in the first place.
“Sex and the City” had an entire episode dedicated to the sex toy “Rabbit Pearl” where one of the main characters is obsessed with the toy. There was no judgement passed and this wasn’t the last time the show promoted women using sex toys.
A similar representation for men’s sex toys in popular movies/shows/magazines remains missing even though we have come well past the point where we can address everyone’s right to pleasure freely.
The stigma is slowly decreasing and data goes to show that more men are using sex toys today. However, the gap between male and female sex toys and especially society’s opinion about them is still noticeable.
Men should be encouraged to use sex toys and explore their sexuality. Men can use toys, but they can’t talk or read about them, and this needs to change.
The sooner this change happens, the better for all of us right?
At Besharam, we like imagining a world where everyone has equal opportunity to explore pleasure, and are working on the daily to champion that cause.